Worst Case Scenario: Internet Edition - Annoying Facebook Friend

We’ve all been in this situation before: You’re hanging out on Facebook, chatting to your friends and stalking that cutie you’re crushing on, when out of no where appears a chat message from someone you’d rather not talk to. For whatever reason, you can’t delete this friend, but you’d rather listen to a Black Eyed Peas album than ask them about how their day was. It’s difficult, right? Well, here’s what to do in this scenario:

1. Don’t say anything. If they even see a flash of the icon that tells them that you’re typing, they will keep bugging you and know what you’re up to. Simply go about your e-business and they will think you’re busy studying, even though you’re probably just reblogging photos of cats on Tumblr. However, this method can only work for so long before they call you out for ignoring them.

2. Go away. (Not right now. Please stay and read this post. Don’t forget to comment on it too.) Not touching your keyboard and allowing your status to turn “Away” is the internet equivalent of turning your lights off and pretending no one’s home. Unfortunately, this means you’ll have to get off the computer, which you and I both know isn’t possible.

3. Make an excuse. It’s a simple idea, but ineffective unless executed correctly. The generic excuses won’t work well enough for a long period of time, so your excuse needs to be extraordinary, unavoidable or inappropriate. Some examples include “Can’t talk. My mum is updating her online dating profile on my computer so my dad won’t find out.”, “Can’t talk. My World Of Warcraft guild is battling Nefarian in Blackwing Lair.” and “Can’t talk. Masturbating. Almost done.”