Mythical Beings For Teenagers

By the time you reach your teenage years, chances are you’ve put Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy behind you. Yet these sources of childhood happiness dissolve in a sea of lies right when you face one of the most painful times of your life. I don’t think that’s entirely fair. Therefore, I believe we should create more mythical, gift-giving beings that can assist teens in times of turmoil. Here are a few of my suggestions:

The Menstruation Mountain Lion
- Those first few months of menstruation are difficult for every female, and the Mountain Lion is designed to make this period easier. The terrestrial mammal wanders the lands, visiting girls at the beginning of their cycle, leaving them menstrual products, painkillers, and other such comfort items. The spirit of the beast remains with the girl during each cycle, and is used to explain any irritability or anger that follows.

The Wet Dream Whale
- An enormous, magical whale that comes to the bedrooms of teenage boys whenever they experience a wet dream. The whale (a sperm whale, of course) delivers items to make the embarrassment of nocturnal emissions less severe, such as clean sheets and new underwear. In the mind of the teenager, it wasn’t their mother that had to clean their bedding, it was a 65 ft. long, toothed whale.

The Heartbreak Hobgoblins
- You never forget your first heartbreak and the apocalyptic pain that comes with it. However, wouldn’t that nasty break up be much easier if you believed your ex-partner was haunted for weeks afterwards by a band of hobgoblins? These mischievous little creatures play practical jokes on the person that ruined you forever, and do their best to make their life worse than yours.