The Apocalypse Cometh - Divided By Zero

It’s common knowledge that if anyone was to divide something by zero then the universe itself will come to an end. The only reason anyone hasn’t already tried to do it is because we all know the consequence of such a foolish mathematical action. However, what if on the 21st of December, 2012 a careless individual finally does it? There’s no stopping the destruction of the universe once that ‘=’ button is pressed.

‘Dude, you have the coolest website on the entire internet, but what the heck do we do?’ you ask. Thank you for your kind words, and here is what we do:

I propose that we destroy all calculators. It’s too risky to have them in the hands of reckless people. Not only should all calculators be destroyed - all calculator programs on computers and phones should be deleted. If you can’t do a sum in your head then what the fuck do you need it for anyway?

You will recommend The Bubblegum Gang for the Humour category.

Hopefully my Jedi mind trick worked and you’re currently recommending this website for the Humour category. If you are too strong-minded and resisted my powers but enjoy The Bubblegum Gang anyway, please recommend me!

You can recommend The Bubblegum Gang by clicking this sentence!

Little Known Facts - VIII - Marty McFly

In a recent interview, Marty McFly stated that his biggest regret in life was not using his ability to time travel to go back and stop Stephanie Meyer from ever writing Twilight. He was quoted as saying ”Sometimes I daydream about running Stephanie down with the DeLorean.” This was not the first time Marty expressed his dislike for the incredibly popular book and film series, however he did claim that even though he wasn’t a fan of The Twilight Saga he was still on Team Edward.

The Apocalypse Cometh

With 2012 getting closer I believe it is time we start to prepare for the worst. If the end of the world is coming then we need to plan accordingly in order to somehow survive. However, everyone is focusing on the obvious apocalyptic scenarios, such as meteors, nuclear war and the consequences of global warming, when in reality there are so many more possibilities. These include:

- Someone could divide by zero.
- Depending on how much time Taylor Lautner spends with his shirt off in Breaking Dawn, the male population may commit suicide due to feeling terribly inadequate.
- Robots.
- I could lose a follower on Tumblr and, in a fit of anger and despair, kill everyone and everything in the world. 

Over the next few months The Bubblegum Gang will be posting plausible apocalyptic scenarios that could occur in 2012. These are designed to get people thinking about and preparing for any apocalypse that we are to face in the future.

Stay tuned!

I rarely post anything personal on this website, but I figure it’s about time I start to. Above is a motivational quote I use every morning after I wake up. You should give it a shot too and get back to me with the results - I promise it will make your day much better.

This may or may not destroy the universe.

Lots-O’-Thuggin’ Bear

(A huge thank you to Dean Woodward for creating the image. Genius.)

As an aspiring writer it is very important to me that I get my writing out there for people to see. I’ve even gone as far as posting topless photos of myself in order to promote this website. Whilst those photos got me a lot of compliments, especially on the bra I was wearing in them, they didn’t have the effect I desired. So, now it’s up to you guys: You’re my only hope.

If you enjoy the posts I make on this website then it would mean a lot to me if you could help spread the word about The Bubblegum Gang. There are many ways you can do this, whether it’s posting a link on your own Tumblr or just telling your friends about it - it all helps. I will be eternally in your debt if you do so too, Jar Jar Binks-style.

You can help spread the word by:

Recommending The Bubblegum Gang!

Following The Bubblegum Gang on Twitter!

Joining The Bubblegum Gang’s Facebook group!

I’d also love to get feedback regarding the site and what you like or dislike about it. You can message me or anonymously hate on me by clicking here.

Jay-Z = God?

I’ve always had my suspicions that Jay-Z was some form of higher being, and my recent purchase of his classic album ‘The Blueprint’ confirmed this in my mind. There are so many signs that point toward him being God - there’s really no denying it. Here are a few of them:

- Could a mortal really create something like ‘99 Problems’?
- He has the hottest chick in the game wearing his chain - God would have nothing less.
- You can learn a lot from his songs. I haven’t read The Bible, but I imagine that doesn’t even contain as much quality advice as his music. For example: now when I’m asked in job interviews to describe myself in three words I always answer ‘Young, black and rich’. I haven’t tried it out yet, but how can it fail?

If I’m wrong and it turns out that Jay-Z isn’t God, he could still probably at least beat Jesus in a fight.

Ya’ Dun’ Goofed

We all know what this current internet phenomenon is about. The harassment of Jessi Slaughter on the internet must have had a dramatic effect on her family, but I have a way for them to turn this into a positive: turn their story into a movie. Here’s my proposed plot for the film:

In Ya’ Dun’ Goofed, the father of Jessi Slaughter (played by a moustached Mel Gibson) teams up with the cyber police to bring justice to all those who abused his daughter on the internet. He backtraces their emails and one by one takes them down for ruining his daughter’s life. Throughout his journey for revenge he uncovers a government conspiracy involving the Anonymous of the internet, culminating in a final battle where Jessi herself pops a glock in the mouth of the man who orchestrated this plan and makes a brain slushie.

Ya’ Dun’ Goofed - In cinema’s Summer 2011.

Why You Wouldn’t Want To Date Princess Leia

- If an evil empire captures her in order to gain intelligence on the location of a secret rebel base do you think you will actually be able to rescue her? Unless you can find a cocky smuggler, a Wookiee, an old Jedi knight, a Jedi in training and two droids to help you out: I don’t like your chances.

- With all of the buns and plaits that Leia likes to wear her hair in you’re going to end up spending a fortune on hairbands and bobby-pins.

- Leia was a slave when she wore that revealing outfit that every male Star Wars fan has sometime in his life looked at for a little too long. Therefore chances are she isn’t going to wear it, or anything like it, again. If she isn’t going to do that then I doubt she is going to dress up in anything else for you either. You can throw out those Sailor Moon, Hermione Granger and Misty costumes now.

- She made out with her brother.

Lycanthropy - The Search For A Cure

I’d like to bring to your attention a terrible disease that claims thousands of lives each year, but is often overlooked. Lycanthropy is the scientific name given to the disease which turns it’s victims into ‘werewolves’. Much more than a myth, this disease is easily passed from wolf to human when an attack occurs, and the effect it has on the life of those afflicted is disastrous.

Every full moon those who suffer from Lycanthropy make the transformation from human to beast and, unless restrained, prowl the streets in search of food. It is not widely known that all police officers carry silver bullets incase they are unfortunate enough to encounter a werewolf, and the majority of missing persons and animals are the result of werewolf attacks. Unfortunately, many sufferers often meet their fate this way as they are a danger to all those around them.

Movies such as Twilight glamorise this terrible ailment, painting for us a picture of short, tanned and muscled men running around a forest having fun and jumping off cliffs whilst trying to woo moody females. This is not the case and is an injustice to those who suffer from this disease.

There is no known cure for Lycanthropy, and the only form of treatment is to restrain the sufferer for the duration of the full moon. With thousands dying each year across the world from this disease, I believe it is time we step up and fight for a cure. I have created a Facebook group, which I encourage you all to join, in order to raise awareness that this disease is very real and very serious.

Together, we can put an end to Lycanthropy.

Click here to join the Facebook group for ‘Lycanthropy - The Search For A Cure’!